Confession Time

A few weeks back, equipped with my shiny new pair of Mizunos I planned to run 6 -10 miles. I would say it was an enthusiastic goal- I had been “run free” for almost two weeks plus I had new shoes to break in- others would say it was a downright plan for failure. After a few 80 degree days I woke up to a windy 30 degree morning. I really didn’t want to run, not even a little bit. I procrastinated for as long as I could, sucked it up and headed out. It only took me about two minutes to realize this was not going to go well. I’ll spare you the whiny details of how much this run sucked and sum it up with this:

Total Distance: 0.85 mi

Um, what? That is certainly not 6-10 miles. That can’t even be considered a run. I regretted hitting “Save” on the RunKeeper data because I don’t want this failure staring at me in the face.

As I walked home (why bother running?) I mentally ranted about how much I hated running. How I would never run a marathon (one of my 2013 goals), how I was going to drop out of the half and made plans to become a cyclist. By the time I reached my front door I had decided I was done with running. I was going to return the >$100 pretty new shoes on my feet, quit my current gym and sign up for CrossFit or a yoga studio. Anything but running. I would find something else I enjoyed just as much and running would be a thing of the past. 

I had hit my wall and now I had a choice to make. Turn around and go a different direction or climb it and move forward.

Sometimes my affair with running feels more like an abusive relationship than wedded bliss. But just like the saying goes you can’t choose who (or in my case, what) you fall in love with. 

To be honest, I’m currently still sitting at my turning point deciding which way to go. Last week was all rainbows and kitties and dreams of marathons filling my head but this weekend was a little bit different. I’m going to give this half marathon my all, I’m putting everything I have on the line. I’m going to fight for the sub-2 that I set out to achieve in the first place. I want to finish knowing that I put my whole self into this. And then I’m going to enjoy a break from the pressure of a training plan. Focus on riding my bike more (because I have that duathlon that I kind of completely keep forgetting about) and run for enjoyment for a few weeks. The marathon I’m eyeing is in late October so my next training cycle is set to start in early June which will give me some time to get back to my roots. I’ve been falling in love with yoga and obsessing over the baby arm + back muscles I’m starting to see, so at least I’ll have other things to focus on.

This doesn’t mean I’m giving up or failing at being a “real runner”, it’s more like going through couples therapy. Taking some time to reevaluate the relationship and rediscover how you fell in love. Frustration and disappointment in not being able to reach my weekly goals has made me start to resent the sport and I don’t want it to be that way. 

Has anyone else ever gone through a trial separation with running?

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