Ever since I started to take running seriously last year breakfast has become my absolute favorite meal of the day. I live for my morning ritual. Every day starts off pretty much like this:

– wake up
– lay in bed convincing myself that I need to actually move in order to start my day (not my favorite part) and reminding myself that I will feel SO MUCH better after a good sweat session
– finally get up and get ready for my workout
– drive to the gym/step out my front door for a run/pop in a workout DVD, etc.
– complete workout, chug water, immediately start preparing coffee + food

I know that as a runner the first thing I should do post workout is stretch but whenever I run super early I NEED to eat as soon as I get home. I stretch while I eat though, I promise. (well, most days 😉 ). If I had to guess I would say that in the past 400 days I have probably eaten eggs for breakfast at least 300 of them. I tried oatmeal in all forms (hot, cold, overnight, what have you) and it just wasn’t for me. Eggs are my best friends. A whole egg or two and then a crap ton of egg whites. If I had a SUPER hard workout I’ll have bread too but I really crave protein. I like to top my eggs with cottage cheese which most people around me find to be completely disgusting but that’s their problem.

This morning after a grueling 70 minutes at the gym I came home and proceeded to inhale half a giant whole wheat bagel slathered with cream cheese and an egg + lots of egg whites scramble. As I thought about how delicious it was (and how I wanted more cream cheese) I really started to think about how my eating habits have evolved. I had a serious battle with disordered eating that left me hangry all.the.time. I could never focus because I was constantly thinking about if I should eat, what I would eat, how long I could wait to eat, etc. etc. My skin was this weird yellow/gray color, my hair was limp and I always look TIRED. I weighed about 15-20 pounds MORE than I do now (but weight is just a number!) and I wouldn’t have been able to run a half marathon if someone held a gun to my head and the heads of all the people I love. But I couldn’t see any of that and that makes me so sad.

I still have my battles- I find myself feeling guilty if I miss a workout or wondering if the boyfriend is judging me for eating a third piece a pizza (he’s definitely not)- but I also know to push those thoughts out of my head just as quickly as they came in. Healthy living isn’t about being perfect it’s about trying. 

Now, instead of running to create a calorie deficit so I can eat, I’m eating so I can run. And enjoying every bite.

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